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Retirement Speeches, Retirement Poems and Retirement Messages

You know the score - Jane has worked at the same place for thirty years, is universally adored, and has decided to call it a day. People want to get her something to keep, but ideas are thin on the ground. You could give her money, but that's a little impersonal. You could get her a lamp, or a picnic set, or a weekend away. All good gifts, but what if you gave her a personal poem which celebrated her years at work - big events, funny anecdotes, people she'd met along the way...Everytime Jane looked at her poem, she would remember you all, and really appreciate the thought that had gone into the gift. Personal retirement poetry is a very successful Floating Fish gift. Click to see a celebrated example.

Retirement Speech, Poem or Message: £69.99
Express Delivery(additional cost): £29.99

All speeches, poems and messages are completed within 5 working days unless you paid the additional cost of express delivery where delivery will be in 24 hours from the time you purchased it. All speeches, messages and poems will be delivered via email you provide. For further info please goto terms

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A Typical Example of Matthew Higgins - The Queen's Road Years

The year was 1989,
When a pair of glasses, and a smile benign,
Walked into the school and changed it forever,
To make it more foolish - his personal endeavour.
And, God, he succeeded - The Matt Higgins Way,
Energetic,vibrant, funny, gay?
Matthew - wonderful memories we all have of you,
Too many for all of them, but here are a few:

Within his first years - an evil apprentice,
Talked the old head into visiting the dentist,
(Mr Pink followed the advice, but alas!
The conversation they had, proved to be his last)
Old 'Doctor' Barking - a desperate case,
Who once received a Higgins fist in the face,
On one residential, an incident sour -
Walked into Betty in the Tower Wood Shower.

Always amusing when lunchtime comes,
Losing his cherries or washing his plums.

Leading assemblies with gangly limbs,
With ridiculous actions to accompany hymns.
be stories he told were vivid and slick,
Whether Snowy the dog, or heads-talking on sticks.

Dealing with parents, he's the best that there is,
Whether they're angry or worried or just in a tizz,
It really doesn't matter how vocal the strop,
They always leave smiling with a "Go on, off you pop".

In Comic Relief, with red noses and stickers,
He stood in assembly and took off his red knickers.

He stunned all the locals, on the beach down in France,
When he stripped off, revealing his tight speedo pants.
Or whilst relaxing in France, away from the school,
Displayed an interesting technique when playing at Boulle.

And then of course, the Huggins attire,
Which perhaps could be described as - Yorkshire, chic ...dire,
With his green cashmere jumper and brown Farah pants,
Or his smart Nike t-shirt at a party or dance.

When teachers are poorly, they ring him at home,
And he knows just what to do,
But call him at seven, and you'll just hear a tone,
'Cause he'll be taking a shower (after having a poo).

When his sexual innuendo goes a bit too far,
And when Cassius Clay once stole his car.

When he's super-competitive, and can't stand to lose,
And sipping his orange, 'cause he doesn't like booze.

And then there's the pantos - where he's just simply stunning,
With his many hidden scripts, and ridiculous punning,
Whether a witch or a sister or an old wizened hag,
He doesn't really mind, as long as he's in drag.

And then there was Fagin, a career defining part,
Who, if we're being honest was close to his heart.

And telling the boys (to no real avail),
That the seagulls would eat it, if they took out there 'Tail'.

With a break from tradition - not a horse's head,
But 'Resussy Annie' was found in his bed.

And although the ownership was denied,
Maddie's name in the huge knickers was written inside.

Although we should probably leave it unsaid,
Matt excelled at upsetting OFSTED.

But, on behalf of us all, and those from the past,
It has honestly been one hell of a blast,
You are without doubt, a legend and friend,
And on one we'll all struggle not to depend.

Thanks for everything mate.
  • "I used Floating Fish for my speech at a Civil Partnership. It was brilliant (and I told everyone that I had written it myself!)"
    Mrs Jones, Surrey.
  • "You can't buy a more personal gift anywhere!"
    J Stevenson, Bacup