Floating Fish
floating fish logo
Need a speech or poem? Contact us at
I know what I want to say...
A framed personal poem would be perfect!
Mum and Dad will love this!
Mum's so difficult to buy for...

Groom Speech

The Groom's Speech has really developed over the last decade or so. No longer just a "Thank-you for coming" speech, expectations are high - to be every bit as entertaining and amusing as the other speeches on the day. This is The Groom's chance to have his say with an audience hanging onto every word. Don't let the pressure of this duty spoil your day, let Floating Fish write a masterpiece to your exact specification, that will have your guests laughing/crying/ahhhing (or whatever reaction you wish for). Remember to add as much detail as possible on the order form for the best possible results. Get thinking!

Groom's Speech: £79.99
Express Delivery(additional cost): £49.99
All speeches, poems and messages are completed within 5 working days unless you paid the additional cost of express delivery, where delivery will be in 24 hours from the time you purchased it. All speeches, messages and poems will be delivered via email you provide. For further info please go to terms

Order Groom's Speech

A Typical Example of Groom's Speech

Good Afternoon Ladies and Gentleman. I'd like to begin by thanking Trevor for his kind words in his speech. I did however, write this speech a while back, so if he didn't say anything kind, then this bit won't make sense. Let's just hope he did, and carry on. Don't say anything.

Before I go any further, I'd also like to thank all of you lovely people for joining us today, and to Mum and Dad, Trevor and Julie for helping make this day possible. I would love to say that I too, was crucial in today's arrangements, but that's not strictly true. Or indeed, true at all. I always knew that my Mum and Dad were special people, it turns out that Maria's are too. They've always made me welcome at their home, and have made me feel part of the family. Thank-you very much.

I'd also like to thank John, my best man who not only sorted out my stag do in Madrid, but also made sure that I came back alive. Albeit with red, peeling skin. He has also been very professional in all aspects today, even stopping me buying my third drink in the pub to settle my nerves. My Ushers, Steve and Alex have ushered people superbly, despite the fact they had no idea where they were ushering people to. After being 'ushed' (or whatever the verb is) most guests had a 'Bless them', expression on their faces. Cheers lads.

As a child, I always said that I would never get married. I wasn't keen on girls. They didn't like Evil Kenevil or He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. It was all My Little Pony and Care Bears. And Girl's World. And pink stuff. I felt that there was no way that a girl could ever understand me, so, when I was a grown-up, I would live alone and have adventures. Probably involving binoculars.

When my hormones kicked in at about fourteen, my ideas mellowed somewhat. I decided that girls were okay, as long as they liked boy's stuff. And I was rigid about that. By sixteen they didn't have to like boys stuff, but appreciate that I did. By eighteen, I didn't care what they liked, as long as they had different body parts to me.

I had a few girlfriends growing up, but I never ever felt that I had met my soul mate. That is, until I met Maria. Because, Ladies and Gentlemen, not only is Maria beautiful, kind, warm, fun-loving, generous, funny, honest, hard-working, resilient, empathetic, patient, consistent, thoughtful, amenable, energetic, passionate, driven, modest, and completely rounded ... she also likes Star Wars. Result!

Please, Ladies and Gentleman, be upstanding and raise a glass to my wonderful wife Maria. May The Force be with her, always.

  • "I asked Floating Fish to write a poem for my sister's 'special' birthday. I wanted it to be funny and close to the bone. It was perfect! My sister ignored me for a week!"
    Emma, Darlington.
  • "Floating Fish wrote a poem for my 30th birthday. It was embarrassing, rude and downright hilarious! I'm still not sure who stitched me up! "
    Jane, Manchester.