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Best Man Speech

Well, there's no getting away from it, this is the speech that everyone wants to hear. This is the speech that has to be funny. This is the speech that needs to ridicule The Groom, to show him up, whilst being good natured, and show warmth, love and loyalty. This speech needs to push the boundaries a little - to carefully tread the line of appropriateness under the critical eye of the guests (of varying ages, standards and expectations). This is the hardest wedding speech to pull off. Done well, and everybody loves it. Done badly, and it all gets a little embarrassing. Don't leave it to chance. Whatever you do, don't try to 'wing it'. Let Floating Fish take the pressure off you. Provide us with as many details as you can, and let us write the perfect speech for your perfect day.

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Best Man Speech: £79.99
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A Typical Example of Best Man Speech

Thank-you very much Ladies and Gentlemen. One of the best things about being a best man, is that you get the honour of standing with your best mate and his future wife in church. One of the disadvantages, is that you have to go third in the speeches, and you have to follow the two cracking speeches that we have heard this afternoon.

First, the formal bit...Ladies and Gentlemen, on behalf of the Bridesmaids, I would like to thank Midge for his kind words, and also for the gifts for the Bridesmaids, Ushers and myself. I would also like to again stress how beautiful the Bridesmaids look.

I was proud when Midge asked me to be his Best Man, especially when he made such a good job of being my Best Man two and a half years ago. However, some items from Midge's speech need to be put to rest. So if you'll please bear with me for a moment...

Midge -
It was your fault that I came second in the long jump at primary school.
My audition for the school choir is not still hilarious twenty-five years later.
When I fell of the cliff, those were grass stains on my trousers.

I've known Midge for nearly thirty years, which I'm sure you'll agree, is a very, very long time. It would take me a long time to cover those thirty years, so I'll try to give you some of the highlights which lead us from Midge the boy who fell in the brook, to Midge the man sat at the top table today.

When Midge was at school, he thought it would be a good idea to sneak past the staff room which was full of teachers at break time - as a sort of dare. But Jason (the Head Teacher) had to tell him that it was not acceptable for a teacher at Wilmslow Primary to behave in such a manner.

I spent long hot summers at Midge's house, playing table-tennis in his back garden, hour after hour, after hour, after hour. Mainly because Midge wouldn't let me leave his house until he had won. It is a measure of Midge's determination which he carried on to other sporting ventures. We both practiced the Korean art of Taekwondo when we were younger, and took part in full-contact fighting competitions. On one occasion, I was Midge's second, whilst Midge was fighting. Everything was going great, and, Midge was winning. Unfortunately, his opponent gave him a powerful, somewhat illegal kick to - what can only be described as his 'Wedding Tackle'. Before my astonished eyes, Midge went down like a sack of spuds. I reassured him that he was winning, and that if he could continue, he would win the fight. With tears streaming down his face, he fought bravely on, and won the fight. As I went to casualty with Midge, it occurred to me that those things are always funnier when they happen to somebody else.

Midge's life has indeed been affected by injury. There was the time he punched an out of order boxing machine and broke his knuckle. Then there was the time when we went for a trip to the country. Midge decided to vault over a wall to answer the call of nature. Unfortunately, the wall was much higher on one side that the other, and when he hit the ground, he badly sprained his ankle. As he screamed in agony, I didn't really feel it right to say how appropriate the saying ' Look before you leap' actually is.

Then as Midge got older, his dalliance with fashion began. Am I the only one who misses his red and black striped trousers? Or his mullet haircut? And are we all waiting for the return of his goatee beard?

As we got older, I knew that I could keep track of Midge through the local press. Like the time I was quietly reading my local paper, when I noticed the headline 'Party of people rescued by Air-Sea Rescue'. And sure enough, there was Midge.

After leaving school, Midge worked at a few places including the DSS. For what I could gather, his role was to talk to his friend Alan, and to spend long lunchtimes in the pub. But Midge decided that this was not the life for him, so he decided on a career in teaching - where he could go to university for four years, and spend all day in the pub. At Uni, Midge met some good friends who are with us today. I visited Midge several time at Uni, where he introduced me to a drink called 'Mad Dog 20/20' a small bottle of very strong wine, which would fit neatly into your pocket. Midge always had trousers with lots of pockets. I know that Midge has very fond memories of Uni, shouting abuse at the porters.

Midge then went to work at Wilmslow Primary School, where he met Laura. I met Laura pretty soon afterwards, and I know how much she means to Midge, and how much he loves her.

Now today, Laura has become Mrs Partridge, so I thought I'd tell you a little bit about the partridge. Partridges are from the pheasant family, and are native to Europe, Asia, Africa and the Middle East. The shooting season for a partridge (should you be interested) is 1st October to 1st February. But, to show what a true friend I am, whilst Hannah's brothers have asked me to bring Midge to the farm whilst they are cleaning their shotguns, not once have I taken him whilst he is in season.

It would be easy (some would say too easy) to continue making fun of Midge, but there is, of course, something more to be said about him. He is a true and loyal friend, someone you can rely on, and someone to be trusted in any situation. And to be honest, people like Midge don't come along very often. I feel very honoured and privileged to have him as a friend.

Laura does look very beautiful today, and Midge is extremely lucky to have found someone as lovely to spend the rest of his life with.

Toast.

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